Today I want to be a person that people want to be around. I don’t expect that to mean I have no worries or fears; only that I am in control and not them. I have a part of me that wants to hold on to my sadness and wallow around in it for everyone to see. I think to let go makes me feel like I didn’t care. That I don’t care now.
I love to laugh and I’m tired of being weighted down by decisions that can’t be undone and regrets that can’t be rectified. All this week I’ve been stuck in my head by what could have been or should have been or just what I was hoping for it to be. I want to be able to laugh again without feeling like I’m betraying someone (including myself) and I want to be able to be able to put one foot in front of the other without feeling like I’m running away from my memories. I want to look forward to what’s next.
I post motivational sayings and pictures and I do believe them. I believe them in the moment that I read them and I know what they tell me is true. Today is a new beginning, a day to get my focus back on where I’m going and what I want to accomplish. I have to remind myself moment by moment that I’m making the right choices and that I can do anything I want to do. I need to post “Can’t is not an option” all over my house. I can let go of the things I need to let go of. I know I can be brave enough and strong enough and smart enough and not just because Winnie the Pooh told me so but because I told me so.
I feel like a broken record this week (I wonder when that saying is going to quit making sense…) and its getting old. Time to put up or shut up I guess.